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not enough light or progress

I'm wondering if the mood I'm has more to do with the situation, the weather, or just spending too much time brooding over the past. It's been a little over six months since I finished training my replacement at Wilbar, and in that time I've not had so much as a one-day temporary assignment -except for one day of substitute teaching here in Alexandria. In that six months, I've liquidated what little remained of my retirement funds, had to be helped by friends and family so I could make rent and truck payments, and gotten no closer to getting any kind of paid work - again, with the exception of the Alexandria substitute teaching job, and at the rate assignments are coming up, that's not exactly something I can rely on to keep the bills and the rent paid.

The weather has been overcast for most of this week and rainy to boot. I think it's starting to get to me. I don't recall being bothered by this sort of thing before to this extent, and wonder if it's actually cloudier down here than it was in Minnesota.

Well, nothing I can do about any of it but to keep on plugging. My niece Valerie is leaving for Air Force Basic Training on Monday, and I feel bad that I can't do anything for her to see her off, but that's they way it is right now. Maybe when she comes back in April.

I'm even feeling useless in EVE. I don't seem to have the right skills or timing to really help the logistics crew, and at the moment I'm far enough behind the isk curve that I can't really afford to x up for fleet actions and go shoot things.

Meh. This will all pass, but at the moment it's all weighing on my mind and I'm not doing very well at not brooding about it along with other stuff (in the past) that I can't do much about either. Putting on ten pounds since last month's clinic visit is inexplicable, and I've basically just blown it off as some kind of weird anomaly. We'll see how my waistline and weight match up in January.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 15th, 2009 03:14 am (UTC)
Well, I think you're right about the overcast being less here.

(Just a second, I gotta turn something godawful on the radio off. Ye gods, it sounded like Bobby McFarrin having a stroke.)

(That's better.)

Sorry to hear everything feels like crap right now. I know the feeling, and you're right, it'll pass.

Nov. 15th, 2009 03:25 am (UTC)
Erg. It was Bobby McFarrin.

And now they're doing a hyper-ramped up & somewhat Klesmatic version of selections from The Nutcracker (which is actually rather good).

Must be weird music night on MPR...
Nov. 15th, 2009 02:06 pm (UTC)
eesh, Klezmer and Russian classical music? Two styles that definitely should not go together!

Thanks for the reassurance. I know in my head that this is just temporary, but my heart doesn't want to listen to the head. So it's good to hear it from other people.
Nov. 16th, 2009 01:42 pm (UTC)
You had mentioned that you were going to a church community, have you
spoken to the priest and discussed your situation? Likely he has a lot of experience
working with people to help them get beyond times when things are less than
great, and move toward better things.

The "hunker down" strategy is generally not successful with these sorts of issues.

Nov. 16th, 2009 02:29 pm (UTC)
I did have a brief conversation with one of the parish priests a couple weeks ago but didn't bring up the depression thing since I was actually feeling okay at the time. Going to reconsider that, even though the sun is shining and I'm feeling kind of okay again.
Nov. 23rd, 2009 02:10 am (UTC)
it tends to come in cycles - so being on the "up" you
tend to forget the "down" - but the "up" is the right
time to set up support structure so that it can be used
effectively when the next "down" starts....

Nov. 23rd, 2009 03:11 pm (UTC)
Truth. I'll amble over there this week - they're doing extra Masses and Confessions, what with Advent, so this would be a good time.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )



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