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WTF am I doing?

This hurts a lot to write about, so if you don't want to read this move along. There's nothing else to see here.

The mood indicator is a pale reflection of the way I feel right now. Against my better judgment, motivated by God knows what obscure sense of honor and desire to do right, I will be visiting my ex tonight to try and explain to her why it is our daughter wants nothing to do with her. If I had any brains left between my ears, I would call Lois and tell her to figure it out herself - hell, she wouldn't even have to do much thinking, it's all out there in living bleeding color on our daughter's LJ for all the world to see, but my ex is one of those rare fans who doesn't have much of a life on the Net, whereas our daughter seems to spend a lot of her life online.

I have the sinking feeling that I am stepping back into a wilderness of mirrors, one that I only pulled myself out of recently. I am afraid that nothing I say will make any real impression on Lois since she has never admitted her responsibility for the Recent Unpleasantness and therefore can't see the effects it had on our daughter. I am terrified that there is still some part of me that wants to make my ex happy, even though I have done my best to root that part of me out and destroy it by any means short of having my brains scrambled by drugs or electric shock.

Worst of all, I don't know where all this fear is coming from. I was okay with this last night when I talked to Lois about it, I was okay with it this afternoon when I talked to my daughter about it (she doesn't think it'll accomplish anything, but she didn't object) but all of a sudden this afternoon I was depressed to the point of tears. Maybe the U2 wasn't such a good choice for background music at work today.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
jamestrainor
Sep. 7th, 2004 02:52 pm (UTC)
I'd just like to say for the record, WTF!

Even I have very little idea what all this is about. Mom may have messed up somehow, but apparently no one has seen fit to tell either her nor me what she's supposed to have done, and phoenixalpha giving her the cold shoulder is making her quite unhappy. And that makes ME unhappy.

Also I gotta call bullshit about her posting about all this on her LJ. I went back as far as I could, and the oldest entry is some thing about her being pissed about writing badly that day. Along the way I did not see ONE WORD about Mom.

About all I know about this is that Mom was late reporting some of the inheritance stuff and that presumably caused phoenixalpha some tax issues. Well, none of that was taxable, so I don't see why this is such a big deal.

I'd like to point out that you and I got along considerably worse than Mom and phoenixalpha are at the moment for a much longer period of time, and we eventually improved our relations.

As far as this 'cold shoulder' thing phoenixalpha is doing... it seems more to me like she's trying to ignore the problem instead of just freaking dealing with it.
wombat_socho
Sep. 7th, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC)
*shrug* You don't know the whole story. It's not just about the late 1099 (which did, as it happens, include a fair chunk of taxable income), it's a whole bunch of stuff going back several years - and very little of it has to do with money, as in next to none of it. Some of it you weren't around for. Some of it I don't think you noticed, because you were having your own problems at the time.

You get along with your sister better than you used to, but the two of you still aren't real close. Have you ever actually talked to her about this?

As for the LJ, I distinctly recall her writing about this matter (and related issues) back around the beginning of the year when everything came apart. It's possible she may have locked it or taken it down later, but I don't recall that being the case.
jamestrainor
Sep. 7th, 2004 03:18 pm (UTC)
I have asked her about it, and she just brushes me off or tells me it's none of my business.

Also, I just talked to Mom, and no one has told her a thing. She apparently has also been leaving messages for phoenixalpha, trying to get her to tell her what's wrong. She said to me that if she did something that caused financial difficulty, she would try to pay it up (though I think that's a bit unreasonable, considering phoenixalpha has been reaping the benefits of child support which she didn't need, AND also will be getting payola from the state due to that accident she was in when she was younger).

As I said, no one has told me or Mom a THING about this. If you have the whole story available, please enlighten me, because neither me nor Mom have an idea what is going on here.
wombat_socho
Sep. 7th, 2004 03:25 pm (UTC)
The child support is a side issue which has nothing to do with this - and was not something I asked for BTW, the judge imposed it because the law required it. As far as the accident money goes, that isn't coming from the state. Get your facts straight. I understand that you're upset by this, but that's no excuse for not having your ducks in a row.

I'd be happy to explain the situation to you, but I'm not going into it online any more than I already have.
chibitoaster
Sep. 7th, 2004 03:19 pm (UTC)
it sucks to care about things.
it sucks to care about people.


but on the other hand, that's what we're here for and defines us as a species. you care about your daughter because you love her. you care about your ex because at some point she was the center of your life (or so I assume). you care about the rest of your family because that's what families do.

talking never hurts. although it may burn bridges, or piss people off, or cause some kind of temporary pain, but it's better to get it out.

all that said, however, it's not your place to talk to anyone about someone else's feelings. that's just...

I've done it too many times in my past, and nothing good has ever come from that kind of mediation.

but if it does not go well, you can always come back here, email, or call to talk about it.
wombat_socho
Sep. 7th, 2004 03:38 pm (UTC)
I think you're right about the feelings. Some things you just can't erase no matter how much you drink or how many times you tell yourself "it don't mean nothin', man, it don't mean nothin'."

talking never hurts. although it may burn bridges, or piss people off, or cause some kind of temporary pain, but it's better to get it out.

all that said, however, it's not your place to talk to anyone about someone else's feelings. that's just...


I think that's why my gut is telling me NOOOOOO!!!

I've done it too many times in my past, and nothing good has ever come from that kind of mediation.

You're probably right in this case too, but I've been asked to do it, so once more into the breach.

but if it does not go well, you can always come back here, email, or call to talk about it.

Thank you. I didn't expect that, and I'm grateful.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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