Yeah, I know. I already told a bunch of people I would. That was stupid. I was telling them what I thought they wanted to hear, because as far as I could tell they wanted me to come back for AD2008. I didn't want to tell people who were all lit up with the glows of accomplishment and joy that I'm not sure I'm on side with them any more. That needs some explaining.
With a handful of exceptions, I'm not really close to most of the staff members any more. I have no delusions that very many of them are going to stay in touch after I return to the DC area (or points south, TBD) and the passage of time is going to erode the bonds of friendship. It always does, unless you work at it or unless there's some furious fiery bonding experience that seals that friendship forever. That experience doesn't exist for me and most of the current AD staff, so to be quite blunt, I don't think they'll miss me. That's okay. This is something corporate, meant to survive the loss of staff - even senior staff - and if Detour survives and prospers as I expect it will, that's enough of a memorial for me.
So assuming I do come back next year, what exactly am I going to do with myself? Being on staff would be problematic: most of the jobs require someone more mobile than I am, or someone who'll be available throughout the year for meetings and work sessions, which I won't be. One of the obvious departments will be closed to me if pkat is successful, since I rather doubt the person who she wants to see return as head of Registration would tolerate me in her department. Since her return would be better for the department than my working there during the convention, I can live with that, so I don't expect to be doing Registration next year. That leaves Ops and maybe Video, possibly Guest Relations. Hotel, maybe, since the contract was signed already and 99% of the work is done through e-mail anyway. I don't know. It's really up to stuckintraffik. (Please note I'm not trying to force any kind of early decision, dude. I'm just thinking out loud and trying to free my mind from some of the things pulling on it.)
Do I want to just be a regular member of the convention? Could I? Would it be too confusing for the rank and file staff who know me as the Chief Wombat to see me running around the convention as plain old Captain Haterade? Would I really know what to do with myself if I wasn't on staff making things happen?
Maybe, at the end of it all, the best decision would be to stay home. Save the airfare, save the cost of a hotel room and the eating out all weekend. I'm going to have student loans to pay off, after all, and no guarantee that I'll even be able to afford this. On the other hand, I told people I would be here, and isn't my word worth something?
4/2/07: Minor edit of no great significance.