I managed to get one sheet's worth of staff badges done before the Samsung laser printer just quit talking to my laptop for no apparent reason. I knew I should have held out for an HP LaserJet from Office Depot. God fuck. At this point there's nothing left to do but take all these files and badge stock downtown tomorrow, turn the whole mess over to Allegra or Kinko's and have them crank out the badges. I notified stuckintraffik and redmartel, and at this point there's nothing left to do but call it a night and get some sleep.
Bay's Corollary to Murphy's Law in full effect, y'all.