wombat_socho (wombat_socho) wrote,

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One thing you can never change

Work today is slow, as it usually is in the first week of the month, and this is bad, because it leaves me with entirely too much time on my hands. Usually I'd take care of that problem by surfing the internet and catching up on what's going on in the world, but this morning I just don't give a rabid rat's ass. I've been in an odd mood since last night (which was completely unproductive except for washing most of the dishes and my stockings) and can't really put my finger on what's bothering me. Part of it may be just low energy, maybe due to a low-grade fever; part of it is the awareness that I have entirely too many things that need to be done before Convergence and neither time nor money to get even half of them done.

I'm having a bad case of I'm not from here this week, and it's really messing with my head. Short version is that since I'm leaving in 1-2 years (probably closer to 1 than 2) after I finish my MA/get my certification, I'm leery of getting involved with people. The flip side is that since this is pretty common knowledge, people also don't spend a lot of time building much of a relationship with me, because they're either native Minnesotans or assimilated, which means that about 5 nanoseconds after I leave the state I'll cease to exist as far as they're concerned. In some cases, I can't say I'll mind that much, but in others, well, I actually thought better of them, which was pretty stupid of me.

So I guess I better hunker down and pare my life down to the bare essentials: work, school, and occasional entertainment to keep me from going completely batshit. P is right; this state is killing me, and I need to get the hell out.

I probably should have left five years ago, but I figured it was better for the kids to stay here. God, what a dumbass I was.

This is probably not the ideal mindset to be heading into Convergence with, but it can't be helped.
Tags: ihtfp, medical stuff
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