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I tell people that the only thing amicable about my divorce was the lack of lawyers, which isn't how it began, but it's certainly the way it ended.

I tell people that I bent over backwards to avoid saying anything bad about my wife to the kids after she moved out, because I didn't want to play that game.

In the end it doesn't seem to really matter. My son can't see her defects and I'm afraid my daughter can't see her good side. It probably doesn't help that most of the people my daughter knows who have met the ex either can't stand the woman or are friends of mine from down home - and most of them, it turns out now, knew her before she and I met. Suffice it to say she doesn't exactly have a good reputation among Washington-area fans, at least not in my generation.

Today the ex went over to my daughter's place to find out what all is going on with her, since my daughter (like me) avoids talking to the woman as much as possible. It blew up pretty badly. Daughter and fiance were polite but not welcoming and not at all forthcoming, and I gather my ex spent about ten minutes crying in their stairwell before leaving the premises.

Now my kids are at each others' throats. Again. The easy way out would be to say "Well, they're all adults, they can sort it out on their own," but that doesn't feel right. OTOH, I can't think of anything I could really say to my son to get him to understand why his sister reviles Mother in at least 57 different ways. Nor can I really prod my daughter to drop the nearly automatic cold hostility she puts on whenever she deals with her mother. Anything I could say would probably make things worse, and for that matter this post will probably get both of them even more amped up than they already are. The LJ is for getting things of your chest, though, and who knows? Maybe once they calm down the kids will talk to each other. It could happen. However, since my daughter sees her mother acting increasingly like her late grandmother - who was infamous for playing favorites, to my daughter's disadvantage - I'm not real hopeful.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 30th, 2006 09:15 pm (UTC)
You've got my best wishes for a tough situation.
Mar. 30th, 2006 09:36 pm (UTC)
Mar. 31st, 2006 04:54 am (UTC)
my older brother told me once
don't bash the ex it just gives them points.
and your right, but another thing that i got from that is the kids would not talk on the same level to each other till they grew up and respected the others point of view.
and the youngst (s) will prob. be ok with the ex and I by the time she is 18.
just stand fast and do your thing with each when either steps out of line.
Mar. 31st, 2006 12:54 pm (UTC)
Re: my older brother told me once
They're both grown up now, but the way things worked out...it's almost as if we split the kids in the divorce, what with James spending all that time with his mother after I booted him out on his 18th birthday for failure to maintain progress in school or get a job. I don't really know what to do at this point about it but sit back and give whatever useful advice I can if they ask for it.
Mar. 31st, 2006 01:04 pm (UTC)
Re: my older brother told me once
My heart goes out to you. You wrote: "I don't really know what to do at this point about it but sit back and give whatever useful advice I can if they ask for it."

I think that's really about all you can do. If you try to do anything more you will probably make a bad situation worse.

I've never had kids or been divorced, but if you need any support, let me know.
Mar. 31st, 2006 01:25 pm (UTC)
Re: my older brother told me once

God willing, you'll never have to go through the divorce thing. It hurt worse than anything else that ever happened to me, and isn't really over yet.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )



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