wombat_socho (wombat_socho) wrote,

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Confessions on the internet floor

I have been tagged in a meme, and since I would like to remain in L.G.'s good graces*, I'm going to respond here instead of on the Book of Faces, for I am an exceedingly verbose person.

"Lauren G. asked me to write 3 things you don't know about me (and probably don't want to know).
If you like this status I'll assign you a number and you have to write that many things about yourself."

I'm actually allergic to tagging, so you don't have to write unless you want to, and in that case the number of your writings shall be three.

I'm also not sure how to answer this. My life is pretty much an open book, except for those things that fall under the statute of limitations and the things covered by the McCarran Act, the latter of which most of you would probably find boring anyway since all those things are at least twenty or thirty years old.

I. stuckintraffik alluded to this in his post: since moving back to the Washington area, I have found it very awkward reconnecting with old friends, not excluding those who were friends of long standing, because I was in Minnesota for 25 years. They've had kids, done business stuff together (or not), and just had a lot of stuff go on while I wasn't around. This makes for awkwardness. By the same token, since moving down here, my friendships with people in Minnesota have weakened for lack of time and effort. I don't hear from a lot of folks; I tend to construe this as a lack of interest and stop reaching out, and, well, what you have there is a vicious cycle that spirals down into silence and alienation. Sure, everyone's glad to see me when I come back to Detour, but for the most part, after I get on that big blue Southwest bird and fly out, I'm gone from their lives for another year. Lord knows I'm grateful to those of you who do stay in touch - but it makes me resent the rest of you who don't, even though I know I shouldn't.

B. By the same token, I don't feel like there's any place I can call home any more. My family and relations are scattered from Maine to Oregon and Minnesota to New Mexico. They foreclosed on the house where I grew up a couple years after Mom died, because neither my brother or I could afford to keep up the payments; the house in south Minneapolis where the ex and I raised our kids was sold in 2003, long before most of my Detour peeps even knew me, and since then there hasn't been any place I really feel any sort of connection to. There are people I am going to miss when I leave Virginia, just as there are people I missed after I moved down here from Minnesota, but the connections were really broken decades ago, and even the buildings I spent so much time in as a child are either buried in a landfill someplace or remodeled, fenced off behind security barriers, and inaccessible. This may be why I keep coming back to Detour every year despite the new location and the growing number of people on staff who don't remember me because they came on board after I left. I sank a lot of time and energy and sweat (from my brain as well as my body) into it; much of what it is and how it works is because of things I did in the beginning, and it is the closest thing I have left to something I can call home.

3. Contrary to some other folks, I like people...individually and in small groups. I don't like large mobs of people, which is why I didn't much enjoy Katsucon XX and am not going back this year.

iv. People think being in the military makes you disciplined. At least in my experience, the Armed Forces are like the Great and Terrible Oz: they can't give you anything you don't already have an aptitude for. Unfortunately, I lacked the aptitude for being able to shut up and soldier without copping an attitude, and it eventually killed my career.

E. Maybe I'm just lonely and depressed tonight, but this seems apropos.

It's funny. Laugh, damn you.

*The one in Minnesota, not the one in Texas, though the latter is also fine.
Tags: anime detour, friends, memeage

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