wombat_socho (wombat_socho) wrote,

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Even Freud screwed the pooch on this one.

So why am I so full of rage after reading this little gem? I swear, I haven't been so angry since the election. Maybe it's because I'm old, bitter and cynical. For what it's worth, I've learned a few things in my life and feel the urge to lay them out for others to benefit from. Or not. Nobody's making you click the link.

Part of what set me off was that some miserable, whining, self-pitying dork actually wrote this and posted it for God and everybody to read. Every guy in the civilized world knows that stuff like this goes on all the time, and we also know that there's no point in complaining about it. Women, like the rest of the human species, are broken. Whether the broken part is mental, emotional, physical, spiritual or some combination of the above is immaterial. When you look at a woman, the chance of her being broken in some way is about 99.99%. Oh, it may not be a fatal error in her systems - it may be something as trivial as not liking sushi or insisting that you have to be the one in the relationship that kills all the spiders - but ain't nobody in this world that's perfect. Which is how we get around to these women that do all this stupid stuff, and the guys that let them do it. Based on my admittedly limited and often wretched experience, and the equally wretched experiences of friends, I have come to the conclusion that there are exactly two conditions under which men and women will be friends: when both of you have agreed that there ain't gonna be no sex in the relationship, and when neither of you have made up your mind where the relationship is going. In the first case, life is going to be a lot easier because the sex is off the table and so is all the stress that goes with it. You can just be your own natural nasty selves and talk about any old thing because you both know that while you may occasionally be sleeping together, it's just sleep and no sex is ever going to occur.

In the second case, you have trouble in River City, and the only question is when it's going to cut loose. See, most guys have all the communication skills of a rock, which is why we hate and/or admire guys like Bill Clinton who have the smooth talking down to a fine art. 95% of us are never going to be that articulate even if you hold a gun to our heads. So we muddle along, doing all these nice things for our ladies and hoping they'll pick up on the fact that we're doing all these nice, considerate, white knight kind of things and realize that we do all these things because we love them. Of course, 95% of the time that doesn't happen, and so we wind up going to a lot of crappy places and being in awkward situations as a result, and then the girl of our dreams goes off and marries a petrogeologist.

Many gallons of alcohol and months of brooding later, boys, you arrive at a state of mind where you will jump at the first minimally attractive woman who expresses interest in you. You will do anything for this woman, because at this point you have become convinced that if you don't seize whatever opportunity presents itself, you are going to wind up old, bitter and lonely. (Nobody wants to be lonely. Alone, yes, sometimes, but nobody wants to be lonely.) Things will go well for a while, because most people like positive attention, and maybe things will work out in the long term. So much the better for you if they do. On the other hand, because people are broken, the odds are pretty good that sooner or later you're going to find out things about your beloved that rub you the wrong way, or vice versa. Or both. Or, things that weren't a big deal in the beginning of the relationship grow and fester over time and eventually become Major Fucking Problems that require help from friends, family, shrinks, priests, marriage counseling and finally, when it becomes painfully & horribly evident that the broken part cannot or will not be fixed, the lawyers.

Which is how we got what we have here today. I am not a unique case; there are undoubtedly other guys out there with not much going for them but average looks, a good work ethic, and the minimal ability to get along with people. The lucky ones got married to their high school sweethearts and made it work; the unlucky ones wound up either all by themselves heading into middle age, or, worse yet, recovering from one or more relationships that blowed up real good.

That's why I'm not a nice guy any more, at least as described in that little essay. Being that kind of a nice guy is stupid and self-destructive, and anyone that thinks they're going to be rewarded in this world for that kind of selfless, indulgent behavior needs to get a clue and/or a brain implant. Being a nice guy, in the terms described, means willingly subjecting yourself to uncomfortable, awkward, unpleasant and embarrassing situations purely to help someone else out. Somebody who asks that of you isn't much of a friend if they do that sort of thing to you more than once, and anybody who allows themselves to be used like that is a sucker and a fool. People who expect to be requited for being suckers and fools are going to be waiting a long time, and should expect to get laughed at a lot by the people they think they're helping.

I'm not saying you shouldn't be polite, helpful, and chivalrous, but you have to be able to see when you're being taken advantage of and stop that shit cold. Otherwise you're just shooting yourself in the foot, emotionally speaking, and I just don't have any sympathy for that.

Ladies, be advised that teasing the dogs is not a good idea in the long term. Mess with them long enough, they get mean, and even a poodle will take your hand off if you push it far enough. Men have a lot in common with dogs, if you know what I mean and I think you do. So keep that in mind the next time you get the notion to drag your man friend along to a party and make him pose as your boyfriend, or some other such stupid thing. Dawg might just decide it's time to draw blood.

Thus endeth the lesson.
Tags: culture w/o politics

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